Did he recognize the Stranger yet?

" I love the mystery of this rendition of the record of the "stranger" on the road to Emmaus. This Jesus wallpaper shows the mystery of the veiled figure of Christ as well as the inquisitive nature of the disciple.

Has the man recognized his visitor yet? "

The quote and this painting above are from a website i found recently.

What struck my mind was the last sentence the person wrote in the description of that wallpaper..
"Has the man recognized his visitor yet ?"


Hmm..
Recognition.
What can recognition mean?

If you call a person by any other name than his, you are not recognizing him.
Either you have failed to recognize him, or you are pretending to not recognize him.

And why should there be any pretense in recognition?
Why should you want to not recognize someone else?
Maybe Someone has hurt you in the past. So you don't wanna talk to him.
Maybe Someone has been trying to get your attention. For whatever reason.
But YOU don't wanna pay attention. For some definite reason. Let's hope it's a definite AND logical reason.
Because these days, all some people are doing is escaping from reason.


If you tell someone on the phone that he/she does not exist (imagine That in real life.), and you don't hear that Person reply. the Person doesn't reply but all you can hear is the noise in the background..

If the Person doesn't reply, will he/she stop existing?

Your denial of his existence will actually take his existence away from him.
Really?
...
...

It's time for me to recognise the Stranger at the table.
Look at the other fellow's expression at that table in the painting.

Shock? Surprise? Don't want to believe?


" He was executed on that cross! "

Will the person who saw Jesus at the table, believe in His existence?
Just because he saw Him, or because he heard Him too?

How do you recognize someone?
Will you trust your eyes or will you trust what you heard Him speak?

The Race on Spit-field road.

Horrible Pune Station Road?

Everyone who has been to Pune knows that stretch of road from Sasoon Hospital,via Pune Station Bus stand, passes in front of Pune Station (His Highness Aga Khan Road,if anyone knows it by that name) and ends up before Alankar Theatre.

Apart from the perpetual road-jams that belong to this stretch, the only reason Joshua detested this road was the part of it near the Station bus stand-
It could be renamed Pune Spittoon Road. Spit-field Road maybe.
The purpose of this road, it would seem,was to receive spit and phlegm until Kingdom come. Never mind the buses,they can skid on the spit, nah?

It was a minefield out there. Joshua always had to walk VERY carefully to avoid all the spots or gashes on the road. There used to be days when he had to run just like the villain in Terminator 2 on that road (Remember the scene when Arnold drives the car with the Connor kid in the back, and the bad guy runs with that Cyborg-like steadfastness and determination behind the car for quite some time? Yeah.).

And when Joshua had to run like that behind the Vishrantwadi bus.. never mind the minefields.Its just infection and muck. Yuck.

He was standing there one night, praying to God for the Swargate-Alandi bus to appear. And he knew what he was praying for.

He wouldn't get a seat. For sure.
He would have to stay squeezed for some time,once inside the bus and do the ballerina thing to avoid being stamped for the rest of the time. For sure.
He would also reach Wadi,real fast and real cheap. For Sure.
For Sure.
Of course, IF he could GET a foothold on that bus,all this would come into the realm of possibilities.
But Joshua had never missed a Swargate-Alandi Bus. It would somehow take him along.
IF he missed it, the next one would be quite an eternity away.

Tired of looking down that road,he did a ballerina-thing to avoid the spit.. he ignored the stupid behemoth-like Wadi-bound buses lying behind him. They would not even scratch themselves for the next 15 minutes,let alone move.

He looked on, hoping to spot the distinct Swargate-Alandi bus. He could read the board on the bus from far,sometimes. A couple of years of running around in Pune had hard-wired into him that gut-feeling,call it intuition. He knew it when the Swarg..

Oh Crap, here it was! The bus glided out of nowhere,bright lights and all! Joshua was just pulling his bag up a bit more securely when he saw the murderous rush at the rear door of the bus.
It was just like a swarm of bees that had found the last flower before the impending famine. And this swarm of madmen would stamp you to chutney. And if you didn't stay clear, that odd suitcase,or that sack full of metal things,or that IRON-box(^%#%&#) on their shoulders would turn your head into pulp and you into Jason Bourne.

Joshua had opted long back to just go home,so he skipped out of the way of the swarm,never mind the spit-minefield.

The bus was here. And Joshua could not even get within 2 metres of the door.
It looked like all these henchmen were trying to avoid Joshua. Did he have the plague or something?

No. NO trying the front door,are you mad? Better stand in front of a multi-barrel machine-gun. The Driver would stop the bus and chase to death anyone who tried to enter through the front door. That's the exit you see.

By this time,half the swarm was in, and Joshua could not find a single foothold. He TRIED to think of toe-hold on the foot-board,it was pointless..he would lose half his precious teeth in 30 seconds.

Joshua could not believe it. The swarm was hogging the foot-board and the bus was moving on without him on it. WAT the.. Joshua thought as he started jogging behind the bus. His mind was on fire..
" I cant miss THIS bus. THAT'S not happened. EVER!! What will i do now..it's so late!"

The bus was gone. Joshua had lost. Unbelievable. Joshua stopped trying to run. The bus had picked speed and had proceeded to climb the ascent to the circle near Station. It was over. The Behemoths behind were smiling in wait.

Joshua was a believer in Jesus Christ,so his mind turned to Him - "HOW DID THIS Happen??".
He was talking almost as if Jesus was driving the bus he missed.
Joshua was furious and who else to pour out your wrath on to?
("What.. i prayed so much..! i thought You would help me out today.. You can't do that Lord? AM STUCK HERE..My folks will be angry if they know am late LORD..what the heck is this??")
His mind was already jumping options, from auto to shared-auto, to Stupid Wadi buses in-wait to next Alandi bus (" that will be Too late! ") and his eyes still looking at the bus 40-odd metres away..


Oh, the bus had stopped at the circle. Traffic snarl.
Oh,it's just a spit-field.

Joshua would have always agreed that running to the middle of a Pune Road to board a bus was very stupid,very risky. And he knew if he thought a bit rationally,this he would not do. And he didn't give his mind a chance to think. So he ran.
Joshua was not the physical-stamina kind of guy,but he was never in this mess before either.

And Joshua,ran only to win. He could not take failure. That was hard-wired into him a decade back maybe. The bus was some 30 metres away.

Joshua ran up the ascending road. Freak, the bus had started moving now!
("Oh,LORD Noo.. pleaaase help me")
He ran right across the circle,vehicles coming in from 3 directions,crossed the road and was some 10 metres behind the bus.
It had picked up speed again.

("LORD,if i miss this, YOU will be ashamed! Look at me! I would be in no condition to walk back to the bus-stand,LORD.. PLEASE.. STOP the Bus!!")

The bus was growling along on the road to Alankar Theatre. Joshua was huffing,and running. The Swarm hanging onto the foot board was watching. They must have shouted something,all of it missed Joshua's ears.
" There goes the villain from Terminator2 ",some fellow could have shouted for some inspiration.

If the bus reached the curve before the theatre, Joshua would simply have No chance. It's there that these things accelerate like crazy.

The bus slowed down and picked up speed at least 5-6 times on that road.
And Joshua's hopes were dashed and pulled up that many times. And this was His Highness Aga Khan Road, so Joshua was busy dodging Autos,people,jerks,other kinds of humanity,a wall,cars,bikes,suitcases and similar stuff.

The furious talk in his head with God didn't stop all this time.
("I will stop now! You have let me down. This was sad! I cant Breathe!")

("I will hitch-hike instead. I WONT go back to wait for another STUPID BUS,Lord!!")

( "Yess.. RUN Man.. God will help me out! ")

And suddenly,to Joshua's horror, the bus had reach the curve before the theatre.
It slowed a bit, (once again the hope-dashing thing happened to him) and then the freaky driver stepped on it. The bus swerved ahead and Joshua's insides screamed silently.
( "NOO Lord.. pleeeaase no..")

He was angry,spent,frustrated,sinking in despair,terribly at a loss as to..








The bus had stopped.
Must have been some stupid pedestrian who had crossed the road suddenly.


Joshua ran like a one-man swarm, bag flailing,lungs working overtime(!), eyes and mouth wide-open. The bus started moving again,very slowly. And this time Joshua was shouting on his inside,
("LORD, i will get it! YES LORD, i will get THAT bus..")

As he reached the foot board, he wasn't his usual polite self. As he reached the bus, he was ready to give heck to the henchmen. And as he looked on,it was awesome. There was no more swarm. The bees had moved inside. Foot board was clear to go.

He jumped on,caught the rod at the door,got the ordained metal bit of foot-board and he stayed there.
("Lord,I CANT Believe it!! Thank you LORD, THANK you LORD!! Oh yesss..")
Conductor and swarm must have said something,he didn't catch any of it.
He was doubled up on the foot-board,learning to breathe at that place,in that way for the first time.
The wind was waving in and out of him and Joshua was still trying hard to breathe.

He didn't want to sit.
He didn't want to stand.
He just wanted to breathe it all away.

His God had given him the foot board.

Your Kingdom come, but my will was done Lord ?

Save me from mine engraved habits
Habits, oh Father, You can watch but i can only sense
And that i sense, after the damage is done
After the Kingdom has been compromised.

What's the point of lament
If i return to find the Demons throwing a party within?
But i was the one who kept the door open,nah?
Yes, i am selfish.
Yes, i seek my good most of the times, before the good of others.
But save me, do!
Maybe then i will be someone You want me to.

Yes, Self-Pity is my water for a bath
And i don't want to stink.
Save me from this water
i don't want to touch it. It's not holy.

Save me from my doubting mind
A mind which You gave me, Father
A mind which is so confusing, and so shocking
in the conclusions i arrive at, that
i would deny this mind to be mine.

Still, Save me.
You created it. The Devil and I spoilt it for You. Now do something.
A miracle NOW, i do not expect. But if You want to, You can help me.

Save me from my run-over,soggy-in-the-world Heart
This fellow resides at four places at the same time
This fellow belonged to You, once upon a time.
That must have been the beginning of time
cause i cant remember.
Elations,Cries,Mistrust,Anger,Joy,Regret
at the wrong time
at the wrong places, in the wrong faces.

These little evil ones that eat within me to kill.
Even if i were a wrestler,i could not wrestle
mine ancient habits out of their ring

Why do You wrestle with me?
I really wonder sometimes. Or maybe my heart is fooling me again.
Why..

Father, You know all these things.
You know the fuel called Pride that drives this machine.
You know,i don't want to travel in this machine any longer.
Let the fuel burn out
Let This me perish.
But before the machine perishes, Save me Father.
Drag me out.
Cuts and Bruises may be here to stay
That's how surgery works too
But don't let this mind, this heart, this soul
burn in Pride, or still worse
ride away on the back of Arrogance.

What do i trust?
My feeble experience?
(Do i remember it enough?)
Or my quest for evidence?
(If there is an honest quest?)

But i wanted both
A thunder of an experience. No, no one else gets to see it. No more sight for Pride.
A treasure-hunt of evidence
i didn't expect Hurt to be in the way
And my habits, the bandits, took me by surprise.

Father. Please Lord.
Take them by surprise.
Then R.I.P. Amen.


Thanks to Casting Crowns for the title of this post. It's been like that many times.

Are you fighting the fellow in the mirror too?

You just wake up.
Eyes wide shut.

You have to squeeze energy to keep them open.

Just to see the first light of you in the long mirror.
Ah, relief. The guy we hate is still in the mirror.

The hatred is not generally known. It is tacit in nature.
Like a war happening undercover.
All day you meet people who like you, ignore you, love you, hate you, rely on you,
whereas you put the finger on the problem
when you see you in the mirror.

Do i like i?
Do you like you?

This book i was reading, umm.. an author called Joyce Meyer wrote that one.
She opened my can of worms when she put the finger on my problem.

Every single day, You are the person you spend most of your time with.
So how is your relationship with yourself?
Do you like yourself?
Do you love the person God has made you? Well, yeah, HE loves you. Jesus Loves you the Bible proves that to some degree.

But what do you think? Do you hate that chap in the mirror?
When we cant love ourselves in the way God loves us, how can we love others..?
How can we give love away when we don't have it within?
In Joyce's words - "How can we give away something when we don't have it in the first place?"
Then, is it any wonder we complain about our relationships going dry or sore?

OH, it just struck me now. Jesus commands his followers -
"Love your neighbour as you love yourself."

God help those who are neighbours of someone who doesn't like himself/herself.


Stop the struggle.
Stop going to war with the fellow you meet in the mirror.

You will meet the fellow again tomorrow. Unless you die today.
So since you gonna meet the mirror fellow again, isn't it time to just let the person in the mirror enjoy himself/herself?

Let it happen. :)
Go hug the mirror now if you saw Jesus solve the war within you today.

Walk away.

They can shout us down, with their voices pounding within..
chanting-

"doest exist. doesnt exist. doesnt exist. a lie. a conspiracy."

we have but,known that shimmering,silent shadow of God in us,
that spirit which none of them can shout away..
only we can ignore Him out. i dread that possibility.

To deny the miracles He did is ok maybe,
but to deny His love for us is what can kill.

If you believe that Love never existed, will that Love really go away.
Or will the Love stand like a torn Lover,under the balcony,looking for the pipe to climb,one ledge,a foothold,a toe-hold just to pull Himself up to the window of His love.
The question is, will He crash and bang through the window,or will He just stand, looking into your eyes?

To make the prophecies of the Holy Bible look foolish, to assume or believe that
these prophecies of old were vague and not applicable to Jesus,
is maybe fine with us.
Maybe 'faith like a child' will remain a horizon for us,
maybe faith will never really ignite until that final Ignition of us.

What irks, is our ignoring of those times of comfort and joy,
Our walking away from the Person we talked to,without seeing..without feeling,
Yet,feeling so intense,no imagination could produce it.
No body else but the person Held by Him, shall know what it is to kneel.
And it's terrible to hear our mouths utter- well.. i kneeled, but a fool.

We can walk away from all the evidence,blind-fold us all
that demands a verdict from us,
but it kills our insides when i walk away from the Master who built the evidence,just for us to see.

Sorry, people of Mumbai..

I only hope nothing like this will ever happen again, brothers and sisters in Mumbai.

I wish i could say that nothing like this will ever happen again.
I want to say that so desperately, want to say that nothing like what happened in the cold, callous month of November 2008 will ever happen again here, but both you and me..
The world is not fair. Isnt that True?
The world we live in is usually neither merciful nor kind. Even the terrorists will hold that to be true.

I wish nothing like this ever happened, Mumbai.

I wish I could guarantee complete protection for all of us.. all of us.. but.. i aint perfect.

Just hope them gun-totters wont find another loophole.

I dont even know why i am saying sorry, as if that will change Anything.

Maybe it's somebody else's words that i am mouthing.

And now, silence would be better nah?

Be Alert.
Be Hopeful.

Dont give up on love. Please.

i deleted a post of mine from here.. do u have proof for that?

For those are interested..
This post i deleted was called "Doubt- the origns. Part1"

i have shifted it to a new blog called "http://doubtcasestudy.blogspot.com/"

This is a blog that will talk about the human tendency of doubting and the various intricacies that involve the act of doubting.

The stories or thoughts i publish at this new blog may be true incidents,may be my own thoughts , or maybe.. just maybe yours..

i dont know.. or do i? :)

Oh.. what did i just write..! Rub it off.. Rub it off.. People will see !!

The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today... is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is simply what an unbelieving world finds unbelievable.

-dc talk

O !

O ! how difficult it is
to describe the joy of those who are safe enough at heart
to believe all that is true about Jesus,
the son of God.

O ! how happy, how coolly blessed are their minds
them who steer clear of the rocks of doubt
and the sandbars of mistrust in God.

O ! How terrible it is to sing a song to Jesus
while none of the words mean a thing to the voice that sings.

O ! How horrifying to preach and to encourage
while doubts poison the nerves of the speaker's spirit.

O ! How sad it is when you dont see and
so, you just cant believe the truths about Jesus and His Father in Heaven.

O ! How much more worse would have been to
live while Jesus was living and
to not believe Him while He was at arm's length and uncrucified.

O !
How great is Your unfailing love.
Your mercy towards me endures forever..


Do i believe that?

O !

How to spoil the mood of the song.

Here Without You lyrics- 3 Dooors Down.

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me
--
--
Substitute 'Yeshu' for 'Baby' and i will ruin the song for you.
Haha!

< PRONE >

a Hymn i heard at church.



Prone to wander, Lord i feel it,

Prone to leave the God i love,


Here's my heart Lord,

Take and seal it,


Seal it for Thy courts above.

We dont see the enemy, but the enemy is real. Pray. Fast. - Pastor Pradeep.

What more in the name of love?

One man come in the name of love, So sing U2 ,so I believe.
So we Know to be true.

One man come in the name of love
One man come and go
One man come, he to Justify
One man to Overthrow
In the name of Love, What more in the name of Love?

One man was betrayed with a kiss. You know how Judas betrayed Yeshu..
He must have felt So bad. Or did we assume that He being God, must have hardly been affected by that betrayal? Forget all the spitting and stoning and flogging and crucifying. Did we imagine that He would have taken the betrayal coolly, like how the cool poker-faced heroes of Hollywood react at the most terrifying and hurting circumstances?

Did we imagine Him to be a face, cool and set in stone?
Or was it hurting within Him ,just like any slob here on earth would hurt?

Hmm.. Yeshu, listen up man.. I see your followers here on this earth, going through hurts and insults, just like you did. All in the name of love.
Today they smile, your friends smile in tears Yeshu.
Tomorrow they die. Stop smiling ,you. Do you know what it means to face death at all?

Anyway, Yeshu.. they , your friends, your followers do the smallest things to leave your mark behind, out of love. What mark do they leave behind?
A cross in a graveyard. Or maybe they leave Love behind?

Why man Yeshu. What more in the name of Love will you and your friends do?
Through all of my heavy fire doubts and all of my cynicism..
What gets to me is your freaking love.
And your friends too, ok. Not those friends of yours who are caught in mind traps, time warps ,as busy judging as i am.Those friends of yours who love in the smallest ways possible.
They Rock Yeshu bhai..
But they rock at a cost to themselves Yeshu..

Why man.. What more will you all do in the name of love?

Found a dying poem. And it's so true.

God, though to Thee our psalm we raise
No answering voice comes from the skies;
To Thee the trembling sinner prays
But no forgiving voice replies;
Our prayer seems lost in desert ways,
Our hymn in the silence dies.

- Gerard Manley Hopkins

Hometown : ..................not of this world...............

On the last 2 journeys i have been on, it dawned on me that i was enjoying being in the train lesser and lesser.

i loved the scenery outside, only for shorter whiles now.
i did NOT like sleeping on the berth at all, it is so uncomfortable sometimes that only if i was well-fed or too tired could i fall asleep.

i disliked interacting with the crowd, but liked talking to lonely people like me more.
And i solemnly state that i have no inclination towards using the toilets in the train. (i Know, don't even Talk about it !!)

i did write, once upon a time, that whenever i get into a train, i feel like i am at home.
What i wrote then was true. And No, i didnt love the toilets then. i hated the toilets in the train even then.

As i see it, what has happened is the trap of a pleasure becoming a habit.

As a pleasure repeats itself in life, the ability to enjoy it at the same intensity decreases. (i read about this first in The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis).

This truth shows itself in another form in all sorts of addictions; at the beginning of the addiction, you need to have more of the stuff you are addicted to, to maintain the same levels of pleasure you derive from that addiction (it can be anything, any addiction- shopping, speeding, comics, pornography, food.. the list is endless).

So was this true with my case? I think not.

Did i need more train journeys? Surely not. i desired to gaze upon the Goa coastline, to get the blast of the breeze from the backwaters in the Konkan, to play with the wind and the rain, all these things,yes.
All true, but i really didnt like the journeys so much.
But was everything losing its shine?
Or was i just too tired?

Aww Shucks..
Do i not belong here too?

ohh ohh..
Why didn't my joy last on the journey? It used to last! How did my happiness become so ephemeral?
Why do i enjoy lying down on my side-berth, staring at the stars and the Milky Way in the night? Where did this new passion of looking at stars and the moon by the sea spring from?

And as i think of this, my train of thoughts stops at the Bible station.
Shucks.. is the Bible that true?
Do i really don't belong here? Am i a citizen of a different hometown? A stranger,just passing through?


Like that song by U2, is it a place 'Where the Streets have No Name' ?

Why do i feel that i am on a journey to eternity? When did i become a pilgrim?

Whatever i feel..my feelings need not be true. But since i know the truth, let the truth be known. Here you go Hometown...


Hometown : Not of this world.

Here i end my battle. And begin another one.

Remember my battle?
Yeah.

It is good that i am on my knees. At the battlefield. Right where the enemy lies vanquished.

The soldier often dares to think that he has been betrayed by the Commanding Officer.
The soldier often dares to think that the Commanding Officer likes to pull cruel jokes at his men's expense.
The soldier thus continues to make living difficult for himself,in the face of victory.
Victory which, well, unconveniently proves that the C.O cared a lot.

And strange at that, when the soldier looks back at the battle, it now seemed that the C.O cared more for what the soldier went through than for where the battle was headed.

The C.O would rather lose the battle but gain the soldier's furnace.
But as the soldier stands victorious, battle-scarred, on his knees,
Hugging what brother is alive and next to him.

Deliverance.
At the right time, the sun rose.
At the right time, the C.O arrived.
At the right time,the soldier was salvaged.

At the right time, the soldier got the chance to thank the C.O.

The Picture below is called - " Lest We Forget. "
Lest i forget His deliverance.

Here i began this battle.

Le it be Known
that i never deserved to be fighting this war in the first place.
that when given a choice, i dropped my weapon ,turned around and ran.
that i ran when many others were banking on me to lead at the frontline,while they provided covering fire. i ran, abandoning them all.

that when i ran, i ran right into the arms of the Commanding Officer.

that the C.O did look upon the Loyal traitor with full knowledge of his crimes.
that the C.O gave me a new suit of armour, better weapons and assigned me to another location on the battlefield.
that both the C.O and me knew that nothing given to me would help me fight until i gave the fight everything.
that i fought every single day and yet jotted down my excuses everyday.
that i was tempted to betray them all even when air-support was provided.
that i actually dared to say that i wasn't good enough to live out the war.

that i lay down in the trench on that last night of battle.
that i was at the mercy of the C.O who could choose to abandon me to the enemy troops in return for my treachery.
that i felt sleepy when i was supposed to be looking for fellow soldiers and pray for deliverance.

That as the night turned darkest,
i realised that i had still not fired my best shot
i realised that i still shook before pulling the trigger of my SLR
i realised that i didn't become the Soldier i wanted to be.

i realised why i needed my C.O out here.
Whether it was pitch black or blinding light
i could not battle without Him.

Onam musings and vagaries.

What does Onam mean to me?
In brief, it means gooood food.

hmm,
It means pouring love from my family, inspite of my mistakes and priorities. Lots of Grace.

Back to food again:
It means a lot of very delicious food from the mummy,grandma and Co.
(And if you have never been to an Onam feast, try showing up at one. The sheer variety of curries and pickles is bound to stupefy you! )

It means enduring unbearable music at unbearable volumes.
Onam means that you can,atleast in my neighbourhood,play popular Tamil hits(You can identify these songs by the sudden feeling of wanting to bury your head/vomiting that accompanies them.), Eminem, 50Cent, Black Eyed Peas and Mind-Numbing Malayalam numbers that sound as if they were composed atleast 150 years ago.

And all this, at volumes which ensure that people in Kanyakumari can listen to what is being played in Trivandrum.

I have enjoyed the sounds of fighter jets taking off and the rude bellowing of peddlers in trains better than the music played here. I mean , have you ever tried reading the Bible with the Black-eyed Peas yelling " My Humps- My Humps, My Humps My Humps! " in the background at atleast 100decibels?

I may sound like a pious and irritated octogenarian now, but the many of the youth here seem to have no more purpose than have a rolling good time playing their funky(!) music and doing their strutting up and down.
(Hey , i can be a good judge !)

Hmm.. on second thoughts, not all tamil songs they played were bad ok? Some of them were quite lovely; SOME of them, i said!

Thats the best part about such trying experiences. There is till something good and lovely thrown in with the bad and ugly. Further proof for the existence of God?

ok, i will spoil this post for you.
But then again, what WAS the point of all this festivity on Onam actually?

Looking at my growing paunch, i am reminded of that king Mahabali from the Onam legend. He is typically picturised as a pot-bellied moustached fat king with a wooden umbrella.

Maybe thats what Mallus are headed for. Attaining the ideal shape of Mahabali.
Pot-belly Prosperity.
Burp..

That's one thing i have heard about life

And now i feel it too.

Just when you think life could not possibly get worse..

I have news for you. It just got worse.

:)

P.S - What do you do then?

Hint : Stop looking at yourself and your problems . Look at others.
For e.g , look at Jesus.

" We would rather be ruined than changed . "

Did you hear about David and Jonathan?

And David said,with tears in his eyes-
God, you care more for me than Jonathan does?
Jonathan,my best friend and brother.. You love me more than he does?
Hey, i cant just understand that.
Are You a fool too, who believes in me? Jonathan believes in me.
Even when i let him down, he believes in me.
I cant hear your voice Lord, but your heart is shedding tears and love all over the place.
You think i can stand and fight and be king, when i have just run away, yet again?
Jonathan does. Both of you are fools. You and Jonathan..
Will You love Jonathan like he loves me, God?
Please do.
He is all alone. Be with Him. Take away all i have and bless him, if that has to be done.
Dont be angry with him.
i know You have more reasons to be angry with me, than to be angry with him.
But still, i know Jonathan. It will hurt him a lot if You get angry with him.

When i have made mistakes, both You and Jonathan seek me out.
You both scour the face of this land, looking for me, until You see my tear-streaken face afar off and close by,
now running, now grabbing and hugging..
Now crying and now rebuking..
Now and forever lovingly, amen.
"He is my brother, no one touches him", "He is my son, no one disciplines him but Me."
"You are gonna be king, David, you just see!" "I have called you by name; you are Mine."
"i will lay my life for you, David.." "I loved you as you are; I have died for you..Up!"

A tap left open,can bring me the sorrow God wants. And the internet can take away that sorrow too. Its strange, wonderful, humiliating and humbling.

Swallow that pill, Deadshot. God loves you much more than you yourself can love you.

i am currently Comatose. I'll never wake up without an overdose of You.

I hate living without you. Dead wrong to ever doubt you. But my demons lay in waiting. Tempting me away. Oh how I adore you. Oh how I thirst for you. Oh how I need You.

If you haven't been tested, you certainly will. And I promise it's going to kill.

Maybe That anointing was not my cup..

Word of caution : The following incident is a rare occurence ,that too in some churches. Please do not conclude that this happens in all churches.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was anointing time at a particular church i happened to be in, one sunday .

That means it was time for God's holy spirit to fall on those who wanted the spirit. At least that's what I was supposed to understand maybe.
The lady sitting next to me was,well, comfortably asleep. Ah, such blissful rest.
She might have avoided all the forthcoming trouble, had she only continued that nap.

And me, i was drifting in my thoughts. Drifting and Conflicting Thoughts.

Thank God that the anointing had to be accompanied by loud noises, people shouting and shaking all over, and people being pushed down to the ground and other peripherals, or else the lady next to me would have slept right through the anointing.

There was this old lady up front who fell down(or fainted!) as this anointing was happening in church. She was very old, and i do not know if falling backwards on the concrete surface was just what the doctor ordered for her. But anyway, the fall was dignified and was assisted by the uncle standing behind her (my sick mind was already telling me-"imagine if that uncle just moved from behind the lady as she fell backwards? " crack- ouch !)



She got up in due time and she must have dusted herself and participated in some more of the anointing, i dont know, i was busy looking at others falling here and there( sounds almost like a battlefield, no?) . When i looked back, my mind was benumbed at what i saw; the anointer was approaching her. OMG !!!

You dont see it?

Ok, usually whoever the Anointer touches on the forehead, is supposed to fall backwards as he/she has been anointed. And our old lady had fallen on her own accord,even before the anointer was upon her. And now, the Anointer had found her,therefore she would have to do it all over again..

(Here is the question for the day then-How do you spot an Anointer in a crowd? Answer: Just walk fast along the line of people lying on the ground and you might just catch the anointer in action!)

My heart wailed within- "NOT Again!" , as the anointer put his hand on the old lady's forehead. What amazing long-suffering; the lady must have fallen backwards yet again, i dont know, i was not looking, it was either too embarrassing or too painful to look at. :) You feel me?



Among all those standing up front Ready to be anointed,was this girl. The anointer was upon her in a moment indeed,and as she was standing right in front of a chair as the anointer pushed (did you notice,by the way that the 'touch the forehead' had graduated to 'push the forehead') her on her forehead.

She stumbled, but she didnt fall on the ground-obviously,she didnt see the need to fall,i guess.

Anyway,the chair was right behind her,so God's anointing could not take place,right?

So our anointer took her a bit forward: "No, dont be ashamed sister, come stand here.." or something to that effect was said by the anointer and she was 'touched' yet again.



i bowed my head straight down as if i had, all of a sudden, gone into prayer-mode.
i did that, because, i just didnt have the spirit to witness was going to happen,this time, to the girl. Well,when i finally looked up, there she was, lying on her back on the concrete.

Her face was covered by her palms and she was convulsing as she sobbed her heart out.

No doubt, it was the anointing that caused her to cry so much; it just could not have been the pain of falling onto concrete,or just plain shock.

Did i mention that i tried to save a friend of mine as she was standing ready to be anointed?

i got so worried she too would fall down when the anointer would approach her,that i managed to align the chair behind her quietly,so that she would fall right into the chair if and when anointed.

Thank heavens she didnt get anointed Properly. Thank heavens she did not fall when pushed on the forehead.

Did i mention i was not standing up front for the anointing?

That goes without saying,right? But then,what was wrong with me?

I just didnt have the heart to take this anointing. i guess that then, i must be retarded, spiritually stunted.

I was looking for some lonely voice who could relate to my plight of non-spirituality.
Maybe one lifeboat in the sea, just one ray of some hope for me..
AND THERE it was! Up on the stage,after the anointing was over, stood this uncle ( he and me,we have had slight disagreements before, so i was surprised when this restoration of order came from him :) ), who said that people should not be 'satisfied' with just one experience like this anointing and should really intensify their prayers..! Isnt that cool.. wow.. someone did relate.
There's this other uncle i know. He wasnt present in church when all of this anointing happened.
But HOW i wish that he were present when this anointing took place.
His name is Paul. He is not from my country. He is a foreigner, from this city called Tarsus in the middle-East somewhere. Also, he died a Long time back-he was murdered for his belief in Jesus Christ.
i wish he was there when the anointing took place. Maybe his presence would have comforted me all the more. Maybe he would have spoken up at the occasion. Yeah, he was GOOD at speaking up.
Atleast that's what got him killed.

I want you,to take my world apart. Be MY GUEST , God !

i have reached a stone wall in my journey.
Yes. A stone wall.
Right on the road.
I want to travel ON the road.
And the problem is this stone wall.
This road is narrow, or atleast thats what i think.
Breaking this wall down needs a bulldozer man.
Did i tell you that i was driving a bulldozer.
My bulldozer has never failed to pull down a wall,stone or concrete.
but i am not using the ignition keys this time, before this wall.
Somehow,i feel that leaving the wall alone is better than bringing down the wall.
But then i have felt lot of other things in my life which have been pathetic,to put it mildly.
i am trying to convince myself that i dont need to pull down the stone wall.
That i can sit on this side of the road the rest of my days.
but MUMMEE, The Road on the other side is Brighter !
i wanna be there- i Wanna BE THERE.
i want to drive on.
the bulldozer will ram into the wall and the road shall grow brighter as it goes.
ofcourse, there will be blood.
yes there will be Blood. that has been the Standard Operating Procedure for ages.
Blood must flow.
But blood will fall on the brighter side of the road.
And that matters.

Like i said- i want you to take my world apart. (thats a song by Jars of Clay :) )
i might look scared. i might look as if i dont wanna get hurt.
but i need you to take my world apart.

yes,i use the bathroom in the morning and i like my tea strong,but i am not of this World. honest.

We do not belong aww...!
Our mission Cannot fail.
Dear Petra,by the grace God has given you you wrote this song. I am Awe-struck. Thank you.
Thank God.

Its the kind of song I now think I should live out. That depends on for how long i retain my thoughts. Ha.

We are Pilgrims in a strange landWe are so far from our homelandWith each passing day it seems so clearThis world will never want us hereWe're not welcome in this world of wrongWe are foreigners who don't belongWe are strangers, we are aliensWe are not of this worldWe are envoys we must tarryWith this message we must carryThere's so much to do before we leaveWith so many more who may believeOur mission here CAN NEVER FAIL And the gates of hell will not prevailJesus told us men would hate usBut we must be of good cheerHe has overcome this world of darknessAnd we will soon depart from here.
-Petra, Not of This World.
:D
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHH !

Dont take marriage too lightly. Dont. Its not what you think it is. (Its not even what i think it is.. Lol !)

There is a Moment in each Day that Satan cannot find. - William Blake.

Be careful little eyes what you see, Be careful little eyes what you see, Will you be careful only if there's a God watching you with love huh?

ITS YOUR FREAKING LIFE,
WE WILL TALK ABOUT THE PRESENCE
OF YOUR GOD LATER.

BUT FREAKING BE CAREFUL STUPID EYES
OF WHAT YOU SEE.

" to be what you are not, you have to go in the way which you are not. "

You Apostate !

If these guys fight My battles, they will lose.

Its not over until it's all over dear.

So it's all upto me.

No,it's all upto Us.

What i don't understand is, why should We lose ?



My Battles never get even half as bloody and gritty as this.
If you consider what only you can see,that is.

God - Forsaken ?

" I never rest, hoping You'll want me to.
When it's already, it's already, it's
already been
done. "

The City of Delightful, delightful shortcuts !

Ha ! Trivandrum is so awesome man..(many people will disagree with me Right here,but anyway..)

Oh, the more shortcuts i find here, the more i love this place.
.. and i mean, actually productive shortcuts too. (And WHY cant actions movies be shot here-there is so MUCH scope for bike chases, car chases, autorickshaw chases.. plain running-for-life shots.. somebody EXPLORE this city !!)

Ok,time for jotting down notes.
There are various kinds of shortcuts in Trivandrum :

- Pedestrian shortcuts. (these are a majority and the most delightful to chance upon.) A good friend showed me one this Tuesday,near his place. Perfect for a kung-fu action sequence man..

Enter a lane from the main road; take the first right, then look for a baked-model house(one which looks like brick-finish you know)on your right. Once you find it, walk up to the gate,enter the garage, exit it,look for a small gate on the left,climb over it(or open it if that's not boring for you),negotiate a steel staircase from there,on a 15-feet drop to the next house garden,use the open front gate to exit,turn right,run to the end of the road- and Presto! Main road!

awww..hehe ! Ok,enough. on to the next type -

- 2-wheelers-can-make-it shortcuts.

- Even-blessed-4-wheelers-can-try shortcuts.
(this one i found out myself on my way to a village office- A Maruti can fit in this type,but am not sure about whether a Ford Endeavour can.)

- Too-muddy-and-slushy-to-take shortcuts. (These are the ones that come at a price; pedestrians get knee-deep in brown slush and cars get stuck up to the wheels,as my family found out in our Maruti one day.)
Of course, i have seen KSRTC buses take these kind of shortcuts,but thats another story.

For now, Trivandrum keeps popping delightful shortcuts.

And there are SO many left!! Its like a minefield,i tell you!

wooo!

Dirty me .

" walk outside you're standing in the rain
eyes collide we both know i'm to blame
see me cry feel like judas for awhile
absolution i'm feeling so tired

bygones by you took away the blame
this humanity haunts me
everyday i feel ashamed

how long till everything is new
how long till our bodies are renewed
how long till we see you face to face
how long till we reach that perfect place

i would give everything..

to give nothing more "

- Love Liberty Disco

Want to know who i am ? Really ?

~ Gutsy Coward * Loyal Traitor ~

Breach in Security- Red Alert !

A Man's security is best breached when he has failed in defending his beloved ones.

Now who do we turn to?
I can see,from above, one man trapped willingly and
11 others fleeing.
Spreading like the rays of the setting son.

I can smell their fear
Why, i know i have it in here.

I spray myself with that same smell
Every single time i fail to stand up
to free dignity.

Every single time i fail to protect,
out of fear of a violent face.
Out of fear of what all different ways will
they misunderstand me this time?

But it's fine.
You chose personal comfort over
confrontation.

Did i do that?
It's so different (is it TDK ?) than me.

I dont think so.
I knew when it would come to this
You would fail.

But when you return, stregthen
your brethren.

Next time
see the fighter You always wanted me to be.


Catch it live,
Stern, gentle,
firm, calm
somebody hand me some eucalyptus balm
it's ok.. fight it man, fight man, you dont need the balm.

Stand up Stand up hey HEY !
When the hand reaches out in despair..
When you are weary,you know you are
weak, and (thanks S&G)
feeling small,
your tears, I will dry them all.

my cheeks are ready Lord
PLEASE ! my cheeks are ready.

The doctor who took the Knife into his own hands.

i got blood on my hands
It was the best surgical knife i ever heard of
Forgot to hand it over to the Doctor
Thought it was my sister,so i should operate on her.

My sister is in my arms and she is bleeding,help me my brother,she is bleeding now.

i can hear no blood ,i can feel no tear, but she is bleeding,my brother ,she is bleeding now.

Cause everything inside me looks like Everything I hate.

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)

Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...


- from the song "On Fire"
By Switchfoot.

Real Geriatrics

"Oh, you are still a small child,son- you must eat all of this, but we are old now so we should eat less food."
This is what grandma says in her usual persuasive manner,whenever I get irked with her for trying to serve me some of her lunch too.Though I would maintain vigourously that old age definitely does not mean denial of good things in life, I seldom stop for some re-thinking. After all, if thats what I really believe , I should be living it too.

Instead I find myself foremost in a world participating in the heart-rending game of ignoring it's old 'uns.

There is a ritual observed in Hinduism which is prevalent in South India, called keeping "Pindam", which involves (as i remember) placing balls of cooked rice for crows to come and eat. This is done on some particular day after a near one has passed away in the family. It is believed that if the crows dont come eat the rice, the soul of the departed would never find peace.
The old lady who has the local bus stop for a home,was abandoned there by her children after they had it with her incessant quarreling. Her children made sure they kept "Pindam" right in front of her before they left for good. That was someway to say "You are dead to us,mom". I have no clue which was worse- the horrors of seeing her children keep her "Pindam" while she was alive, or the fact that they didnt wait for the crows to come and eat the offering.

While most senior citizens dont face such distressing situations,it would be worth it to step into their shoes once in a while.
Your friends seldom call, your own family treats you like an expensive liability, you are rattled by more than one illness simultaneously, your mobile phone receives rare calls and even rarer messages, the world exists to make you feel all the more worse- once a vitality, now an infirmity.. once looking forward, now hoping to be in reverse gear.

Questions keep haunting me now and then- when I become old,am I to expect lesser love from my family? Should I expect others to misunderstand me over every little thing? Should I expect less hugs and lesser kisses then? Will my family assume that the tv will keep me spell-bound? Will my joys and my wounds seem to them of lesser worth and not much of a bother? Just because I am headed for the grave,will I get a kick in my rear and a card saying "Get There Soon !" ? I could go on and on.The Black Eyed Peas puts it so precisely - " As I get older, you people get colder.. "

What happened to the old lady at the bus stop?
I longed to see her warm in the thundering rains. I wished so much that she would stop smoking(so much for geriatrics). Of course the utmost I would do would be to smile at her while walking past. No point blaming me- who would want to talk to such an obnoxious and rude person?

After a few months, her daughter came riding by in a car.
And they took her home. Whatever caused that decision, hope she is receiving real geriatrics.

No more time.

I wish time would die.
Really.
i wish this constraint wasnt here at all.
Wish God never made this landlord called Time.

:)

Battle Strategy

~The Knees Strategy~


I found a strategy
And the best part is knowing for sure
That We are on the battle path, i am sure
know why?
cause, if we werent marching like this with our strategy,
we would not have drawn enemy fire,
am so glad,we ARE being hit,bullet after bullet..
trouble is- Someone's blood is on you and me
and we have bathed in it,
and someone has already won the big war-it only remains for us
to remember that we just conquered
We just conquered in his name..
And we have nothing to do but fight,
Fight and win our battles till the very end..
fight ,in the name of the Blood i can see on you
and you can see on me.
fight for myself and for my brother..
here is my strategy...

here i go,fighting on my knees.

In Defence- a mobile phone.

Hi i am a mobile phone, and there will be no need to switch yours off.

Thats right,and neither are you allowed to put Your mobile phone on silent mode.
If you receive a call, go ahead -pick up your phone and enjoy talking.

Isnt that a relief??

Finally someplace where you will never realise to your horror, that one of my colleagues who stays in your pocket has started singing right at the top of its voice and you have to silence my unfortunate colleague AND fight off embarrassment, angry stares and smug grins(these,of those who had managed to silence their mobile phones earlier).

I would want you to know why i speak up here and now.
Sorry for not beating around the bush some more.

Do stop hating mobile phones which dont belong to you.

You guys dont like to be disturbed by us in your intimate moments.. ohkk!
You guys hate to be jarred out of your reveries by our beeps and shrieks..Who would not hate it!
You guys even hate us for waking you up. But its OK ! We dont mind !
These reactions of yours are our occupational hazards.We do good to you and you hold us in contempt. No hard feelings!

But since when did you guys start off with hating mobile phones which dont belong to you?

You think we dont notice, oh, COME ON.. the bus is cruising,and well you are busy fantasizing about the.. TREEEP CHEEP CHEEP.. goes the mobile phone which belongs to that bubbly teenager 2 seats ahead. Yes, You have all your rights to all your fantasies, but you can very well avoid staring down at the teenager when he/she gets off the bus, man..! Silent mode-HECK,the kid probably forgot,maybe she wanted it to be on LOUD mode or he/she doesnt even know there is a silent mode feature on that phone! Daym!

Some of you guys think that some phone calls are more important than others!

Others may not disturb you with their phone calls and smses while you yourself can jolly well consider your calls important,to say the least.

How do you know if the person talking to your neighbour is not despairing of life itself.. and what if that person is plain missing friends and wanted to talk? and what if that person called to say sorry? and what if.. really what if-SO what, right?

Hey, you know what? MAYBE, the person who has called up that fellow who just violated your meeting norms by letting his phone ring loud and clear,maybe that person is on his last phone call in this life- Sure,howl at the violator,or still worse, smile at him while you skewer him in your mind. Yes, those who keep the rules,attend the meetings. To heck with those who dont toe your line.

Sometimes i long for loving mouths to speak into me..mouths which havent been swearing at others for using their mobile phones inappropriately.

And sometimes i wish that we breed of mobile phones were used not only by you guys,but also by others in your breed,like that M.K Gandhi from India-yeah him who talked love ,non-violence and lived it too;I dont mind that guy from Israel either, Jesus Christ,who forgave those who were busy killing him. Fancy being used by such people man..! Cool, eh?

Dont feel bad,you are not the worst!! Just.. dont forget that you sometimes hurt a lot more,when you judge others.

I am not suggesting that you guys chuck your phones out of the window and start listening to your neighbour's conversation..i wish you guys heard this song my owner has stored in my limited memory... its by the Black Eyed Peas
and its called -" WHERE IS THE LOVE? " .

Indeed.

Love..? Its just a phone call away.. and definitely not on silent mode.