Your Kingdom come, but my will was done Lord ?

Save me from mine engraved habits
Habits, oh Father, You can watch but i can only sense
And that i sense, after the damage is done
After the Kingdom has been compromised.

What's the point of lament
If i return to find the Demons throwing a party within?
But i was the one who kept the door open,nah?
Yes, i am selfish.
Yes, i seek my good most of the times, before the good of others.
But save me, do!
Maybe then i will be someone You want me to.

Yes, Self-Pity is my water for a bath
And i don't want to stink.
Save me from this water
i don't want to touch it. It's not holy.

Save me from my doubting mind
A mind which You gave me, Father
A mind which is so confusing, and so shocking
in the conclusions i arrive at, that
i would deny this mind to be mine.

Still, Save me.
You created it. The Devil and I spoilt it for You. Now do something.
A miracle NOW, i do not expect. But if You want to, You can help me.

Save me from my run-over,soggy-in-the-world Heart
This fellow resides at four places at the same time
This fellow belonged to You, once upon a time.
That must have been the beginning of time
cause i cant remember.
Elations,Cries,Mistrust,Anger,Joy,Regret
at the wrong time
at the wrong places, in the wrong faces.

These little evil ones that eat within me to kill.
Even if i were a wrestler,i could not wrestle
mine ancient habits out of their ring

Why do You wrestle with me?
I really wonder sometimes. Or maybe my heart is fooling me again.
Why..

Father, You know all these things.
You know the fuel called Pride that drives this machine.
You know,i don't want to travel in this machine any longer.
Let the fuel burn out
Let This me perish.
But before the machine perishes, Save me Father.
Drag me out.
Cuts and Bruises may be here to stay
That's how surgery works too
But don't let this mind, this heart, this soul
burn in Pride, or still worse
ride away on the back of Arrogance.

What do i trust?
My feeble experience?
(Do i remember it enough?)
Or my quest for evidence?
(If there is an honest quest?)

But i wanted both
A thunder of an experience. No, no one else gets to see it. No more sight for Pride.
A treasure-hunt of evidence
i didn't expect Hurt to be in the way
And my habits, the bandits, took me by surprise.

Father. Please Lord.
Take them by surprise.
Then R.I.P. Amen.


Thanks to Casting Crowns for the title of this post. It's been like that many times.