Your Kingdom come, but my will was done Lord ?

Save me from mine engraved habits
Habits, oh Father, You can watch but i can only sense
And that i sense, after the damage is done
After the Kingdom has been compromised.

What's the point of lament
If i return to find the Demons throwing a party within?
But i was the one who kept the door open,nah?
Yes, i am selfish.
Yes, i seek my good most of the times, before the good of others.
But save me, do!
Maybe then i will be someone You want me to.

Yes, Self-Pity is my water for a bath
And i don't want to stink.
Save me from this water
i don't want to touch it. It's not holy.

Save me from my doubting mind
A mind which You gave me, Father
A mind which is so confusing, and so shocking
in the conclusions i arrive at, that
i would deny this mind to be mine.

Still, Save me.
You created it. The Devil and I spoilt it for You. Now do something.
A miracle NOW, i do not expect. But if You want to, You can help me.

Save me from my run-over,soggy-in-the-world Heart
This fellow resides at four places at the same time
This fellow belonged to You, once upon a time.
That must have been the beginning of time
cause i cant remember.
Elations,Cries,Mistrust,Anger,Joy,Regret
at the wrong time
at the wrong places, in the wrong faces.

These little evil ones that eat within me to kill.
Even if i were a wrestler,i could not wrestle
mine ancient habits out of their ring

Why do You wrestle with me?
I really wonder sometimes. Or maybe my heart is fooling me again.
Why..

Father, You know all these things.
You know the fuel called Pride that drives this machine.
You know,i don't want to travel in this machine any longer.
Let the fuel burn out
Let This me perish.
But before the machine perishes, Save me Father.
Drag me out.
Cuts and Bruises may be here to stay
That's how surgery works too
But don't let this mind, this heart, this soul
burn in Pride, or still worse
ride away on the back of Arrogance.

What do i trust?
My feeble experience?
(Do i remember it enough?)
Or my quest for evidence?
(If there is an honest quest?)

But i wanted both
A thunder of an experience. No, no one else gets to see it. No more sight for Pride.
A treasure-hunt of evidence
i didn't expect Hurt to be in the way
And my habits, the bandits, took me by surprise.

Father. Please Lord.
Take them by surprise.
Then R.I.P. Amen.


Thanks to Casting Crowns for the title of this post. It's been like that many times.

Are you fighting the fellow in the mirror too?

You just wake up.
Eyes wide shut.

You have to squeeze energy to keep them open.

Just to see the first light of you in the long mirror.
Ah, relief. The guy we hate is still in the mirror.

The hatred is not generally known. It is tacit in nature.
Like a war happening undercover.
All day you meet people who like you, ignore you, love you, hate you, rely on you,
whereas you put the finger on the problem
when you see you in the mirror.

Do i like i?
Do you like you?

This book i was reading, umm.. an author called Joyce Meyer wrote that one.
She opened my can of worms when she put the finger on my problem.

Every single day, You are the person you spend most of your time with.
So how is your relationship with yourself?
Do you like yourself?
Do you love the person God has made you? Well, yeah, HE loves you. Jesus Loves you the Bible proves that to some degree.

But what do you think? Do you hate that chap in the mirror?
When we cant love ourselves in the way God loves us, how can we love others..?
How can we give love away when we don't have it within?
In Joyce's words - "How can we give away something when we don't have it in the first place?"
Then, is it any wonder we complain about our relationships going dry or sore?

OH, it just struck me now. Jesus commands his followers -
"Love your neighbour as you love yourself."

God help those who are neighbours of someone who doesn't like himself/herself.


Stop the struggle.
Stop going to war with the fellow you meet in the mirror.

You will meet the fellow again tomorrow. Unless you die today.
So since you gonna meet the mirror fellow again, isn't it time to just let the person in the mirror enjoy himself/herself?

Let it happen. :)
Go hug the mirror now if you saw Jesus solve the war within you today.

Everybody needs somebody You're not the only one You're not the only one.

No. You are not allowed

to Stand there forever.

You are not the only one
You will return soon.

Of Course, you regret that moment

of instant rebellion,

and feel hot under the collar

about that eternal moment of Forgiveness.

Why does stupid desire bind you so

Why does it make you forget

You are not alone

No you are not allowed

To die

Neither to breathe alone.

One more thing before you leave

Next time

before you pretend to blind yourself

Remember you promised Someone

that you will

Dare not walk Alone.

Mercy him.. Perceive him..

In defense.
Of those who are at fault. Of those who are thought to be so.

I met a man the other day. I wish somebody would teach him about acceptance.
Cause he did not quite understand it.
He understood that some find it very easy to have fun. Some are so easy going,they dont mind having their leg pulled every now and then. And he wanted to BE like them. Some because of their childhood,because of what they UNDERSTAND to be true, WANNABE like these people..people who are easy to be with,people who are the life of parties. So this man tried to be "fun-to-be-with". He let people bash up his ego a bit now and then (Good for him!).. then it became pretty often.. that became Every other time .Oh, how his mind adored these people- how he wanted to be RECOGNISED . The dessert of FAME,with a dash of cyanide for self-esteem. How i pitied him.

Anyway, this man, when he started realising that a lot many friends of his abhorred imitation/adulation(?)/adoration(??), he chose to be different. His feelings of INFERIORITY about himself had led him to dress like X did, talk like Y did, laugh like Z did, walk like $ did, and so on. (and he told me he GENUINELY LIKED to laugh like $ did,thats how the poor guy LEARNED to laugh.. but then again,copyright laws came in. so.)
Now he wanted to be like himself, YET he wanted to be adored. Oh,what terrible confusion. No BELIEVE me, he really was confused. Confused about the grounds of acceptance here.
Maybe HE could not ACCEPT his OWN realities. Maybe he did not PERCEIVE that.
He SAW that some of his friends could not understand WHY he WANNABE,but i think he didnt accept himself as he was. Poor kid.

He had friends who would love him for what he was anyday, ANYHOW.
But sometimes, HIS understanding of what they said, would make him doubt those very friends too. And how, HOW would he ask them about these searing concerns (?.. would they not ask him if he had more urgent things to do in life?)

He then told me he was glad he knew a friend of old,who would listen to him. Whose very presence gave him peace not comprehendible, and assurance that he was loved the exact way he was created.

Man..! was I GLAD..? i leapt for Joy ! This Bugger didnt have to bother me ANYMORE.
He was saved from his misery,and so was i.. Phew..!

Phew.

Procrastinator Sr. and Jr.

If i had a God like me..
it would have been comfortable family.

If Procrastination ran through both of us..
Earth would have been here upgraded,but Heaven would still be under renovation.
The Cherubim would have been really bugged,not to mention,be out on the streets (Golden they maybe) ,friends would have kept mailing God,chatting Him up on Google Talk. Prodding him,inspiring him. But he would return to check scraps on Orkut.
Or whatever they would use in Heaven.

If i had a God like me..
it would have been comfortable family.

It would have been a bit odd to find that fish without the tail.
Discomfiting to stand in a line after finishing time on earth,

Waiting list for both heaven and hell. Oh yes,the Devil would have a pretty tough time too (assuming he survived his 1st attempt at rebellion..)

Think of such a God. A God who would be comfortable family.

Just 2 Daddies..

Rush ma man,your Big Daddy is here..
Rush ma man,Judgement cometh and that too soon. Soon..?

Frankly,my ego needs its food. So my ego and me,we both dine. chew. mmm.. write clever scraps,write cool blogs. food. hungry hogs. both of us. i am expecting you to appreciate my blog,wonder at my prowess, of course it matters to my dear ego,what did you think?

You know what,am wondering.. i will write as i want to, as i feel i should. this is someone else's life,not my ego's. i hate it. this pedestal of mine on which i place my ego, i hate it. when i see that Daddy with a palpitating heart, the eyes once sparkling now dark,whatever little flame there was,blown away. yes,yes my hands shoot up into the air. ME ME !! i did it ! It was me !

2 Daddys..
Both living Sacrifices.. One still Lives, i dont know about the other.
One, father to his sheep and kids. The other, father to him who shatters his Greenhouse of Hopes.
One made himself of no reputation and killed himself,out of Love. The other doesnt know about this Daddy..i never told him.
One, watches as i type this. Love and Holy Justice. The other,sleeps-completely exhausted. Or maybe he's just having another sleepless night.

what do i do now.. both Daddies watching me. One's Love awaits me and my sins. The Other,awaits my consequences.

i Can go on. man,my ego's just enjoying it. mmm... but there's a Linkin Park song which goes like- SHUT UP when am talking to you, SHUT UP, SHUT UP !