Here i began this battle.

Le it be Known
that i never deserved to be fighting this war in the first place.
that when given a choice, i dropped my weapon ,turned around and ran.
that i ran when many others were banking on me to lead at the frontline,while they provided covering fire. i ran, abandoning them all.

that when i ran, i ran right into the arms of the Commanding Officer.

that the C.O did look upon the Loyal traitor with full knowledge of his crimes.
that the C.O gave me a new suit of armour, better weapons and assigned me to another location on the battlefield.
that both the C.O and me knew that nothing given to me would help me fight until i gave the fight everything.
that i fought every single day and yet jotted down my excuses everyday.
that i was tempted to betray them all even when air-support was provided.
that i actually dared to say that i wasn't good enough to live out the war.

that i lay down in the trench on that last night of battle.
that i was at the mercy of the C.O who could choose to abandon me to the enemy troops in return for my treachery.
that i felt sleepy when i was supposed to be looking for fellow soldiers and pray for deliverance.

That as the night turned darkest,
i realised that i had still not fired my best shot
i realised that i still shook before pulling the trigger of my SLR
i realised that i didn't become the Soldier i wanted to be.

i realised why i needed my C.O out here.
Whether it was pitch black or blinding light
i could not battle without Him.