~~~ The Silent Bluebird ~~~

Bluebird (2004) ..

Chanced upon this movie on tv this afternoon.

It looked so realsitic, for the first few minutes i thought it was a documentary or something.

Could not finish watching it, but it was about the life of someone so different from what i am.

An ambitious, talented, fragile, bullied, silent ( her silence, i loved ! ) , skateboarding, train-riding, absloutely-engrossed-in-reading (even when she's getting off the train, she cant put down that Roald Dahl book.) occasionally shop-lifting, 12-year old girl.. Merel.

I believe her severely handicapped younger brother Casper to be the most blessed person around with a sister like that.. see, now am talking like all this actually happened.

THATS what a movie should be like.. it should stir you to the extent of making you talk about it as if you lived to see it happen in flesh; as if this was not a cast of actors pretending on-screen.. man!

To add some more, it rotates around this girl's daily life..day after day after day.. sound boring enough? Then you should watch it.. and if you are the action-movie-only kinds, well i understand you might feel it challenging to watch this.

But the flow of emotion that runs through the entire story is admirable. The actor who plays Merel is scintillating in performance- its a treat to see her mould into the character of Merel..

the sudden freedom she experiences while diving at the swimming pool, her need of recognition, her wants, her desires she tells no one,( but she does try; take a look at this)-

Merel: can i have piercings ?

Father: Piercings..? You are only 12..!

Merel: 12 and a half in three days.

Father: ok, how about earrings, thats a piercing!

Merel (disappointed and gets off the car): Earrings..

Father: Merel...

her immense love for Casper, her patience with his disabilities, the way she scoots him to the docks in his wheelchair and the way they both sit and talk about stories of far-away lands that exist in the minds, the terrible sadness she faces when Casper is all set to be sent to an institution, the way she hides the taunting and bullying she endures quietly at school.. it was lovely. These are the times you wish you could pause the movie on tv,rewind it and watch it from the very beginning..

Everybody needs somebody You're not the only one You're not the only one.

No. You are not allowed

to Stand there forever.

You are not the only one
You will return soon.

Of Course, you regret that moment

of instant rebellion,

and feel hot under the collar

about that eternal moment of Forgiveness.

Why does stupid desire bind you so

Why does it make you forget

You are not alone

No you are not allowed

To die

Neither to breathe alone.

One more thing before you leave

Next time

before you pretend to blind yourself

Remember you promised Someone

that you will

Dare not walk Alone.

Wishing my one last breath.

Gasp and i cant breathe

wishing my one last breath

grace upon grace, it will Not stop pounding

Trouble is, neither will i stop falling.

Bogged down, confined in it

i hope Lord, maybe this shower will melt the chains.

Sweet chains, i love them so

when the Lord calls, guess who do i obey.

As the cold air and hot tears

mingle at this pace

Pity, Mercy,

All that You have been feeling for me

from Alpha to Omega

Please finish this last gasp.

And grant me another breath.

What Dreams May Come..

I have not been really fascinated by the realm of dreams.
That maybe because i am dead scared of my dreams.

Honest.

See,i am not talking about nightmares here. I have my share of nightmares but i am not That thrilled by them that i would have an account of them.

What aches me is the fact that my dreams are sooooooo weird.
Their consequences are weird.
YES,i know most dreams are not Supposed to make sense and i know that you too have weird dreams,but my dreams take my own case yaar!

Freak,why must i dream about me and a friend(i WONT tell you who,ok?) standing near a tree on a busy city road,looking at each other and then decide that we should Marry(?!?!)..then we go declare it to our mutual friends,who are having snacks nearby.. They smile wicked smiles and start throwing the snacks at us (ok,now THAT'S not weird.)

Thats just the one i had last night ok.. i will not talk about the "other" ones because i cherish sanity online.

Now,the Consequences.
Many of my friends can testify to the fact that i talk in my sleep. (i still officially maintain that this is a conspiracy.) My ex-roomates tell me of the unfortunate day when they heard me yelling "Press Spacebar! Press SPACEBAR!" in my sleep. (Yes,i play computer games..BACK OFF!)
Today morning,another friend was scared away when he woke up and heard someone howling and moaning. It seems that i was "singing" in my sleep,and then i graduated to speaking words like "Journals" and "Rapture" ,which was when he thought it would be infinitely wise to get outta there.
And then, when i finally woke up (phew!),i had tears in my eyes.
YES,i had tears in my eyes and i was feeling sad and i DONT-REMEMBER-WHY !!!

Those of you who are headed for their phones and are looking up the phone book for mental asylums,are requested not to do so. My dreams wont harm you,so let it be.
As for me,i would be so glad to find exhaustive notes by my bed everytime i wake up after a weird dream.

Good(!)night..

The Serene

Of All the things i have gained, i miss my friends the most.

A fish and.. a Bicycle..?????

And a woman needs a man
Like a fish needs a bicycle

When you're tryin' to throw your arms around the world..

" Trying to throw your arms around the world "
U2

i like their songs quite a bit..
Loved their lyrics too.. Until this one came up.

Just couldnt digest the fact that these guys would write something this.. this.. Bizarre.
( The song is great, k?)
:)

Eviction from a heart..

We walked in with Joy
Twilight bidding us goodbye
Joy,of course was leashed.
Handle with care or lose it..

Met Junior sometime back
Promising young fellow.
Cute and talented..
Liked jeans better than pyjamas.

Goody beamed with glee at the sight
of the new kid in town.
Goody was like a mother to Junior,i say.
Goody took Junior home too,had a great time,when it wasnt allowed.

Then that evening, they evicted Junior
Reasons were cited, arguements convincing
and slicing the heart.
Inevitability had its share of fun,i say.

They Had to "let him go"
No one, Not One cared for Junior.
Love was muted,sighs piercing the sky.
Junior was evicted, "He's Not Here."

Protests in vain, this is a democratic country,i say.

And Goody was hurt beyond measure
And it pained us too.
We know not,
What became of good ol' Junior.


Yelling can result in silence
Eviction can cause absence
But Eviction from a heart..?
Absolute Nonsense.

Mercy him.. Perceive him..

In defense.
Of those who are at fault. Of those who are thought to be so.

I met a man the other day. I wish somebody would teach him about acceptance.
Cause he did not quite understand it.
He understood that some find it very easy to have fun. Some are so easy going,they dont mind having their leg pulled every now and then. And he wanted to BE like them. Some because of their childhood,because of what they UNDERSTAND to be true, WANNABE like these people..people who are easy to be with,people who are the life of parties. So this man tried to be "fun-to-be-with". He let people bash up his ego a bit now and then (Good for him!).. then it became pretty often.. that became Every other time .Oh, how his mind adored these people- how he wanted to be RECOGNISED . The dessert of FAME,with a dash of cyanide for self-esteem. How i pitied him.

Anyway, this man, when he started realising that a lot many friends of his abhorred imitation/adulation(?)/adoration(??), he chose to be different. His feelings of INFERIORITY about himself had led him to dress like X did, talk like Y did, laugh like Z did, walk like $ did, and so on. (and he told me he GENUINELY LIKED to laugh like $ did,thats how the poor guy LEARNED to laugh.. but then again,copyright laws came in. so.)
Now he wanted to be like himself, YET he wanted to be adored. Oh,what terrible confusion. No BELIEVE me, he really was confused. Confused about the grounds of acceptance here.
Maybe HE could not ACCEPT his OWN realities. Maybe he did not PERCEIVE that.
He SAW that some of his friends could not understand WHY he WANNABE,but i think he didnt accept himself as he was. Poor kid.

He had friends who would love him for what he was anyday, ANYHOW.
But sometimes, HIS understanding of what they said, would make him doubt those very friends too. And how, HOW would he ask them about these searing concerns (?.. would they not ask him if he had more urgent things to do in life?)

He then told me he was glad he knew a friend of old,who would listen to him. Whose very presence gave him peace not comprehendible, and assurance that he was loved the exact way he was created.

Man..! was I GLAD..? i leapt for Joy ! This Bugger didnt have to bother me ANYMORE.
He was saved from his misery,and so was i.. Phew..!

Phew.

Procrastinator Sr. and Jr.

If i had a God like me..
it would have been comfortable family.

If Procrastination ran through both of us..
Earth would have been here upgraded,but Heaven would still be under renovation.
The Cherubim would have been really bugged,not to mention,be out on the streets (Golden they maybe) ,friends would have kept mailing God,chatting Him up on Google Talk. Prodding him,inspiring him. But he would return to check scraps on Orkut.
Or whatever they would use in Heaven.

If i had a God like me..
it would have been comfortable family.

It would have been a bit odd to find that fish without the tail.
Discomfiting to stand in a line after finishing time on earth,

Waiting list for both heaven and hell. Oh yes,the Devil would have a pretty tough time too (assuming he survived his 1st attempt at rebellion..)

Think of such a God. A God who would be comfortable family.

An idea can change your Knight.

It hurts when it happens the second time. Always hurts.
The first time you didnt know.. but the second time,aww man..
6years ago, An imaginative kid like me,was inspired by a certain animated series (Batman-The Animated Series(Classic Stuff !) on DD-2 - anyone remembers?) so much,that he went ahead to cook up his own futuristic version of the Dark Knight.. [People with no particular interest in "cartoons" or "superheroes" or similar stuff,abandon ship NOW !]
The boy had it All done in his head..he called it Batman-2030. He had the cape designed to assist in flying And gliding. Infra-red vision fitted into the mask.
The Batmobile, an amphibious ride touching sub-sonic speeds with ease.
Latest arsenal on the rider as well as the ride. The Kid let his imagination ride people!
He even went ahead and came up with a soundtrack and matching action sequences. (Lol, come on !)

And then..2 months later- Batman:Beyond. Batman of the future. coming soon. on Cartoon Network. Shatter.. Shatter.. Believe That..?

5 years later..
"Batman Begins" breaks all ground with its spectacular direction and awesome fundas about the Dark Knight. Months later,the Kid is back at work again,this time in his head..
He cooks up a movie now.. calls it "the dark knight" .. Joker reigns in terror. The Ultimate showdown. A very cool Joker with new weapons,new tricks.. Psychological Warfare. The Kid had it All lined up. And yeah,there's this trailer the kid cooked up for the "Dark Knight".. it's Awesome..wish you could peep into the kid's head right now..man !
The Joker even had a sleek sports car (traditional Purple and Green ) and lets not forget Batman's Tumbler from "Batman Begins" - Its still there..!

But Destiny,not to be outdone.. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468569/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dark_Knight_%28film%29
No Dont bother.. its just a movie,the sequel they are making for "Batman Begins"
Probably getting released in July 2008. Just that its called "The Dark Knight"..
Like i said, NOT the 2nd time.
Mummeeee !

Just 2 Daddies..

Rush ma man,your Big Daddy is here..
Rush ma man,Judgement cometh and that too soon. Soon..?

Frankly,my ego needs its food. So my ego and me,we both dine. chew. mmm.. write clever scraps,write cool blogs. food. hungry hogs. both of us. i am expecting you to appreciate my blog,wonder at my prowess, of course it matters to my dear ego,what did you think?

You know what,am wondering.. i will write as i want to, as i feel i should. this is someone else's life,not my ego's. i hate it. this pedestal of mine on which i place my ego, i hate it. when i see that Daddy with a palpitating heart, the eyes once sparkling now dark,whatever little flame there was,blown away. yes,yes my hands shoot up into the air. ME ME !! i did it ! It was me !

2 Daddys..
Both living Sacrifices.. One still Lives, i dont know about the other.
One, father to his sheep and kids. The other, father to him who shatters his Greenhouse of Hopes.
One made himself of no reputation and killed himself,out of Love. The other doesnt know about this Daddy..i never told him.
One, watches as i type this. Love and Holy Justice. The other,sleeps-completely exhausted. Or maybe he's just having another sleepless night.

what do i do now.. both Daddies watching me. One's Love awaits me and my sins. The Other,awaits my consequences.

i Can go on. man,my ego's just enjoying it. mmm... but there's a Linkin Park song which goes like- SHUT UP when am talking to you, SHUT UP, SHUT UP !

Get a job,and a Belt party too..Absolutely free.

Ever thought twice before using the restroom?
i was doing just that at 8 am today..

Not that i hold faith in notions like Wailing Banshees or any kind of spooks possesing restrooms as we folks possess Condominiums, but at my college thats what you inevitably end up doing the morning after the day you get a job(placement)..

3.25 pm_ D-Day.. this soldier shakes hands with the Placement Officer while in a trance of sorts..
"Well done this.. well done that. you Finally(?) got your job".. buzz,buzz..buzz off.
3.29 pm_ D-day.. Massacre. Placement Officer sips his cup of tea to Glory,while the soldier,25metres away, gets stamped in the butt by the best brands(Reebok,Woodland,I-D,Lucknow Bootwala-you Name it.) [Courtesy- loving merciless buddies of his batch,off for a trip to Goa.] No armour for my poor backside as they print it blue with their itching shoes n boots.. Oww. Oww. Oww.

4.30 pm_ D-Day..this soldier holds his butchers at bay, fixes a mutually agreeable appointment for his Whacking ceremony.. 10pm...please please,Pretty please? Gives them the Bambi Eyes(calvin n hobbes enthusiasts should know..) and scoots to his room.

9.25 pm_ D-Day.. Soldier at stand-by. Puts on Armour.. 1 Towel, 2mm thick(thin) wrapped on,1 Newport Denim pulled on,1 Live-In Denim pulled on over the other denim,belts it all up-All this while trying his best to keep the baying hounds on the other side of the door. Tries to harden his heart and Guts,fails.. Goes ahead to pull open the door, suddenly turns around,digs around his room to find 2 Times of India editions n shoves them down his Denims,u know where.. Sniff.

10.18 pm_ DHAMAKA -Day.. Bulls on Parade. i Wail.. Hulks n Hogans of A.I.T welcome,lets whack 'im home. Soldier stands poised, facing the wall, hands high on the wall. They came,they saw,they Bulldozed.. belts,kicks,what-not.. at one time lost count,at one time went hysteric..
Mummee...

11.10 pm_ Daze-Day.. Soldier limps back to his room,with smoking,blazing You-know-whats.. throws away those 2 editions of the Times,torn and obliterated at places,n thanks Almighty for them..doesnt remember a thing as he deadens his memory with episodes of "Prison Break"..and then one Doze to Glory(slept on my tummy,ok?)

8.20 am_D-Day + 1.. Contemplation.. to loo or not to loo,Thats the question. Owww.

i wish i were Homeward bound..?

F5..
no new scrap.
F5..
no new scrap.
so,visit my own profile. scroll down. double-take at "hometown".
Hometown : Trivandrum.
Yeah right. Born in Udhampur,Jammu and Kashmir,India (or was it Pakistan..? leave it to Mushmohan and Manarraf, sorry did i mix up their names..?)

that Hometown remark set the erstwhile cogs in my head a turnin..
Trivandrum..i never belonged there.. yeah i am a native of Kerala (and i Adore that place),i can speak Malayalam (my own version please..) but i cant call the capital city Trivandrum my home. Yeah lived there for 4 years and did my kindergarten there,so? Go on vacation every semester break,so?
Trivandrum was never my hometown, just an obligation. The beaches are beautiful,my strongest memories of family reunions have a touch of Trivandrum-every single train i boarded due South,made me long for the Enchantment called Kerala. But Home- naah..
So- Hometown : __________ .

Hyderabad? 5 years -5 Blaze of Glory years.. Onslaught of Teenage. Mr.Academics at High School.. Introduction to Rock,Pop,so on.. so forth. Riding the Kinetic Honda up that hill to watch the blazing sun set by Golconda Fort. Every evening. Every single train i boarded for Hyd n Sec,pushed me down the memory stairs to the days of Glory.. Not home.. not yet.

Pune? 4 years - that single most memorable event in life called College. The Pits in Acads. Saying goodbye to the Maestro within. Standing in front of the mirror,trying to look at failure,but not being able to find it. Stood watching as Life became a cold,Cold milkshake- Flavour~ Gaming and Movies and Music. Then found friends who actually lived. And made me live~ 3rd Year and 4th year running.. finding Everlasting Hope, Enduring Love.. Un-Crunchable Faith. Wont want to leave Pune,nope.. every single train i boarded for Pune made my heart sink and soar.. like a ship with a cargo of yo-yos on high sea.. Home- maybe, just maybe.

Every single time i board a train now.. all those years of relentless Nation-trotting rush into my headspace like floodwaters.. papa bustling around trying to make sure we got our berths,our food..that sense of security with him around.. me and my sister going for Rail Aahar instead of mummy's yummy homemade food (man,Mummy Must have felt bad,u know..) Never being able to stand at the gateway.. always longing to do just that.. Me and my dear sister fighting over Who would get to sit by the window,me winning most of the times and- Now am feeling bad for her..How papa and me almost didnt notice the train beginning to move out of Balasore station in Orissa,while we were having a stroll there..how he shoved me into the compartment while running at full speed..
All those years bygone,now i walk alone (yup, just like that Green Day song goes)..
Now,its just Me standing at the door,wind rushing in and out of my mouth (you know,dogs have a gala time poking their heads outta the windows of cars,its Fun- i speak out of experience now..)
whizzing past shades of coastal Green that God created.. Letting the morning Goan mist smother my face at 80kmph.. He must have said- have Fun kiddo !

Hometown : Every time i get into a Train, i feel am at Home..