~~~ The Silent Bluebird ~~~

Bluebird (2004) ..

Chanced upon this movie on tv this afternoon.

It looked so realsitic, for the first few minutes i thought it was a documentary or something.

Could not finish watching it, but it was about the life of someone so different from what i am.

An ambitious, talented, fragile, bullied, silent ( her silence, i loved ! ) , skateboarding, train-riding, absloutely-engrossed-in-reading (even when she's getting off the train, she cant put down that Roald Dahl book.) occasionally shop-lifting, 12-year old girl.. Merel.

I believe her severely handicapped younger brother Casper to be the most blessed person around with a sister like that.. see, now am talking like all this actually happened.

THATS what a movie should be like.. it should stir you to the extent of making you talk about it as if you lived to see it happen in flesh; as if this was not a cast of actors pretending on-screen.. man!

To add some more, it rotates around this girl's daily life..day after day after day.. sound boring enough? Then you should watch it.. and if you are the action-movie-only kinds, well i understand you might feel it challenging to watch this.

But the flow of emotion that runs through the entire story is admirable. The actor who plays Merel is scintillating in performance- its a treat to see her mould into the character of Merel..

the sudden freedom she experiences while diving at the swimming pool, her need of recognition, her wants, her desires she tells no one,( but she does try; take a look at this)-

Merel: can i have piercings ?

Father: Piercings..? You are only 12..!

Merel: 12 and a half in three days.

Father: ok, how about earrings, thats a piercing!

Merel (disappointed and gets off the car): Earrings..

Father: Merel...

her immense love for Casper, her patience with his disabilities, the way she scoots him to the docks in his wheelchair and the way they both sit and talk about stories of far-away lands that exist in the minds, the terrible sadness she faces when Casper is all set to be sent to an institution, the way she hides the taunting and bullying she endures quietly at school.. it was lovely. These are the times you wish you could pause the movie on tv,rewind it and watch it from the very beginning..

Everybody needs somebody You're not the only one You're not the only one.

No. You are not allowed

to Stand there forever.

You are not the only one
You will return soon.

Of Course, you regret that moment

of instant rebellion,

and feel hot under the collar

about that eternal moment of Forgiveness.

Why does stupid desire bind you so

Why does it make you forget

You are not alone

No you are not allowed

To die

Neither to breathe alone.

One more thing before you leave

Next time

before you pretend to blind yourself

Remember you promised Someone

that you will

Dare not walk Alone.

Wishing my one last breath.

Gasp and i cant breathe

wishing my one last breath

grace upon grace, it will Not stop pounding

Trouble is, neither will i stop falling.

Bogged down, confined in it

i hope Lord, maybe this shower will melt the chains.

Sweet chains, i love them so

when the Lord calls, guess who do i obey.

As the cold air and hot tears

mingle at this pace

Pity, Mercy,

All that You have been feeling for me

from Alpha to Omega

Please finish this last gasp.

And grant me another breath.

What Dreams May Come..

I have not been really fascinated by the realm of dreams.
That maybe because i am dead scared of my dreams.

Honest.

See,i am not talking about nightmares here. I have my share of nightmares but i am not That thrilled by them that i would have an account of them.

What aches me is the fact that my dreams are sooooooo weird.
Their consequences are weird.
YES,i know most dreams are not Supposed to make sense and i know that you too have weird dreams,but my dreams take my own case yaar!

Freak,why must i dream about me and a friend(i WONT tell you who,ok?) standing near a tree on a busy city road,looking at each other and then decide that we should Marry(?!?!)..then we go declare it to our mutual friends,who are having snacks nearby.. They smile wicked smiles and start throwing the snacks at us (ok,now THAT'S not weird.)

Thats just the one i had last night ok.. i will not talk about the "other" ones because i cherish sanity online.

Now,the Consequences.
Many of my friends can testify to the fact that i talk in my sleep. (i still officially maintain that this is a conspiracy.) My ex-roomates tell me of the unfortunate day when they heard me yelling "Press Spacebar! Press SPACEBAR!" in my sleep. (Yes,i play computer games..BACK OFF!)
Today morning,another friend was scared away when he woke up and heard someone howling and moaning. It seems that i was "singing" in my sleep,and then i graduated to speaking words like "Journals" and "Rapture" ,which was when he thought it would be infinitely wise to get outta there.
And then, when i finally woke up (phew!),i had tears in my eyes.
YES,i had tears in my eyes and i was feeling sad and i DONT-REMEMBER-WHY !!!

Those of you who are headed for their phones and are looking up the phone book for mental asylums,are requested not to do so. My dreams wont harm you,so let it be.
As for me,i would be so glad to find exhaustive notes by my bed everytime i wake up after a weird dream.

Good(!)night..