Cause everything inside me looks like Everything I hate.

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)

Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...


- from the song "On Fire"
By Switchfoot.

Real Geriatrics

"Oh, you are still a small child,son- you must eat all of this, but we are old now so we should eat less food."
This is what grandma says in her usual persuasive manner,whenever I get irked with her for trying to serve me some of her lunch too.Though I would maintain vigourously that old age definitely does not mean denial of good things in life, I seldom stop for some re-thinking. After all, if thats what I really believe , I should be living it too.

Instead I find myself foremost in a world participating in the heart-rending game of ignoring it's old 'uns.

There is a ritual observed in Hinduism which is prevalent in South India, called keeping "Pindam", which involves (as i remember) placing balls of cooked rice for crows to come and eat. This is done on some particular day after a near one has passed away in the family. It is believed that if the crows dont come eat the rice, the soul of the departed would never find peace.
The old lady who has the local bus stop for a home,was abandoned there by her children after they had it with her incessant quarreling. Her children made sure they kept "Pindam" right in front of her before they left for good. That was someway to say "You are dead to us,mom". I have no clue which was worse- the horrors of seeing her children keep her "Pindam" while she was alive, or the fact that they didnt wait for the crows to come and eat the offering.

While most senior citizens dont face such distressing situations,it would be worth it to step into their shoes once in a while.
Your friends seldom call, your own family treats you like an expensive liability, you are rattled by more than one illness simultaneously, your mobile phone receives rare calls and even rarer messages, the world exists to make you feel all the more worse- once a vitality, now an infirmity.. once looking forward, now hoping to be in reverse gear.

Questions keep haunting me now and then- when I become old,am I to expect lesser love from my family? Should I expect others to misunderstand me over every little thing? Should I expect less hugs and lesser kisses then? Will my family assume that the tv will keep me spell-bound? Will my joys and my wounds seem to them of lesser worth and not much of a bother? Just because I am headed for the grave,will I get a kick in my rear and a card saying "Get There Soon !" ? I could go on and on.The Black Eyed Peas puts it so precisely - " As I get older, you people get colder.. "

What happened to the old lady at the bus stop?
I longed to see her warm in the thundering rains. I wished so much that she would stop smoking(so much for geriatrics). Of course the utmost I would do would be to smile at her while walking past. No point blaming me- who would want to talk to such an obnoxious and rude person?

After a few months, her daughter came riding by in a car.
And they took her home. Whatever caused that decision, hope she is receiving real geriatrics.

No more time.

I wish time would die.
Really.
i wish this constraint wasnt here at all.
Wish God never made this landlord called Time.

:)

Battle Strategy

~The Knees Strategy~


I found a strategy
And the best part is knowing for sure
That We are on the battle path, i am sure
know why?
cause, if we werent marching like this with our strategy,
we would not have drawn enemy fire,
am so glad,we ARE being hit,bullet after bullet..
trouble is- Someone's blood is on you and me
and we have bathed in it,
and someone has already won the big war-it only remains for us
to remember that we just conquered
We just conquered in his name..
And we have nothing to do but fight,
Fight and win our battles till the very end..
fight ,in the name of the Blood i can see on you
and you can see on me.
fight for myself and for my brother..
here is my strategy...

here i go,fighting on my knees.

In Defence- a mobile phone.

Hi i am a mobile phone, and there will be no need to switch yours off.

Thats right,and neither are you allowed to put Your mobile phone on silent mode.
If you receive a call, go ahead -pick up your phone and enjoy talking.

Isnt that a relief??

Finally someplace where you will never realise to your horror, that one of my colleagues who stays in your pocket has started singing right at the top of its voice and you have to silence my unfortunate colleague AND fight off embarrassment, angry stares and smug grins(these,of those who had managed to silence their mobile phones earlier).

I would want you to know why i speak up here and now.
Sorry for not beating around the bush some more.

Do stop hating mobile phones which dont belong to you.

You guys dont like to be disturbed by us in your intimate moments.. ohkk!
You guys hate to be jarred out of your reveries by our beeps and shrieks..Who would not hate it!
You guys even hate us for waking you up. But its OK ! We dont mind !
These reactions of yours are our occupational hazards.We do good to you and you hold us in contempt. No hard feelings!

But since when did you guys start off with hating mobile phones which dont belong to you?

You think we dont notice, oh, COME ON.. the bus is cruising,and well you are busy fantasizing about the.. TREEEP CHEEP CHEEP.. goes the mobile phone which belongs to that bubbly teenager 2 seats ahead. Yes, You have all your rights to all your fantasies, but you can very well avoid staring down at the teenager when he/she gets off the bus, man..! Silent mode-HECK,the kid probably forgot,maybe she wanted it to be on LOUD mode or he/she doesnt even know there is a silent mode feature on that phone! Daym!

Some of you guys think that some phone calls are more important than others!

Others may not disturb you with their phone calls and smses while you yourself can jolly well consider your calls important,to say the least.

How do you know if the person talking to your neighbour is not despairing of life itself.. and what if that person is plain missing friends and wanted to talk? and what if that person called to say sorry? and what if.. really what if-SO what, right?

Hey, you know what? MAYBE, the person who has called up that fellow who just violated your meeting norms by letting his phone ring loud and clear,maybe that person is on his last phone call in this life- Sure,howl at the violator,or still worse, smile at him while you skewer him in your mind. Yes, those who keep the rules,attend the meetings. To heck with those who dont toe your line.

Sometimes i long for loving mouths to speak into me..mouths which havent been swearing at others for using their mobile phones inappropriately.

And sometimes i wish that we breed of mobile phones were used not only by you guys,but also by others in your breed,like that M.K Gandhi from India-yeah him who talked love ,non-violence and lived it too;I dont mind that guy from Israel either, Jesus Christ,who forgave those who were busy killing him. Fancy being used by such people man..! Cool, eh?

Dont feel bad,you are not the worst!! Just.. dont forget that you sometimes hurt a lot more,when you judge others.

I am not suggesting that you guys chuck your phones out of the window and start listening to your neighbour's conversation..i wish you guys heard this song my owner has stored in my limited memory... its by the Black Eyed Peas
and its called -" WHERE IS THE LOVE? " .

Indeed.

Love..? Its just a phone call away.. and definitely not on silent mode.

~~~ The Silent Bluebird ~~~

Bluebird (2004) ..

Chanced upon this movie on tv this afternoon.

It looked so realsitic, for the first few minutes i thought it was a documentary or something.

Could not finish watching it, but it was about the life of someone so different from what i am.

An ambitious, talented, fragile, bullied, silent ( her silence, i loved ! ) , skateboarding, train-riding, absloutely-engrossed-in-reading (even when she's getting off the train, she cant put down that Roald Dahl book.) occasionally shop-lifting, 12-year old girl.. Merel.

I believe her severely handicapped younger brother Casper to be the most blessed person around with a sister like that.. see, now am talking like all this actually happened.

THATS what a movie should be like.. it should stir you to the extent of making you talk about it as if you lived to see it happen in flesh; as if this was not a cast of actors pretending on-screen.. man!

To add some more, it rotates around this girl's daily life..day after day after day.. sound boring enough? Then you should watch it.. and if you are the action-movie-only kinds, well i understand you might feel it challenging to watch this.

But the flow of emotion that runs through the entire story is admirable. The actor who plays Merel is scintillating in performance- its a treat to see her mould into the character of Merel..

the sudden freedom she experiences while diving at the swimming pool, her need of recognition, her wants, her desires she tells no one,( but she does try; take a look at this)-

Merel: can i have piercings ?

Father: Piercings..? You are only 12..!

Merel: 12 and a half in three days.

Father: ok, how about earrings, thats a piercing!

Merel (disappointed and gets off the car): Earrings..

Father: Merel...

her immense love for Casper, her patience with his disabilities, the way she scoots him to the docks in his wheelchair and the way they both sit and talk about stories of far-away lands that exist in the minds, the terrible sadness she faces when Casper is all set to be sent to an institution, the way she hides the taunting and bullying she endures quietly at school.. it was lovely. These are the times you wish you could pause the movie on tv,rewind it and watch it from the very beginning..

Everybody needs somebody You're not the only one You're not the only one.

No. You are not allowed

to Stand there forever.

You are not the only one
You will return soon.

Of Course, you regret that moment

of instant rebellion,

and feel hot under the collar

about that eternal moment of Forgiveness.

Why does stupid desire bind you so

Why does it make you forget

You are not alone

No you are not allowed

To die

Neither to breathe alone.

One more thing before you leave

Next time

before you pretend to blind yourself

Remember you promised Someone

that you will

Dare not walk Alone.